Author: maxymax

ADF voice message

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Received on the SASR Net

ADF OFFICIAL VOICE MAIL MESSAGE

“Thank you for calling the Australian Defence Force. I’m sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specific crisis, and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out PMKeys, SSDS, East Timor, Bougainville, Afganistan, Iraq, Bali, Refugees, the Defence Efficiency Review, the Commercial Support Program, and compulsory ‘Fraud Awareness’ and ‘Workplace Equity and Diversity’ training, we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following numbers:”

“If your crisis is small, and close to a secure domestic airport, press 1 for the 3rd Brigade. “If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please press ‘Hash’ for the Royal Australian Air Force. Please note this service is not available after 1600 hrs, if it is overcast, at weekends or Public Holidays.”

“If your inquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by either overpriced and expensive submarines without combat capability, or by World War II relics that cannot keep up with Indonesian fishing trawlers, or by a really good marching band, please write, well in advance, to the Chief of Navy, Russell Offices, Canberra. “If your inquiry is not urgent, please press 2 for the Rapid Deployment Force.

“If you are in real, hot trouble please press 3, and your call will be routed to Sandline International.

“If you are interested in joining the ADF and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your arse off daily, risking your life, in all weathers and terrains, both day and night, whilst watching the Department of Finance eroding your original terms and conditions of service, then please stay on the line.

Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a little office down by the railway station.”Have a pleasant day, and thank you again for trying to contact the Australian Defence Force.

I am standing by for RAAF and RAN abuse……it’s a joke guys….an Army orientated one but still a joke…we really do like you.

Uncategorized

Straight talker

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Australian commander in East Timor Brigadier Michael Slater appeared this morning in a live cross from Dili to the Nine Network’s Today show, with helmeted and heavily armed Australian soldiers standing behind him. He was pressed by Today host Jessica Rowe about whether Dili really was as safe as the Australian military claimed, given the presence of armed soldiers at his shoulder.
Pausing briefly, Brig Slater replied: “Jessica I feel quite safe, yes, but not because I’ve got these armed soldiers behind me that were put there by your stage manager here to make it look good. “I don’t need these guys here.
Poor Jessica ran into more trouble when she persisted with her line of questioning, and referred to footage of looting and violence.
Brig Slater told her the pictures were a “couple of days old”.
All the above being the main reason I don’t watch morning TV.
General Musings

All Black cries over handbag

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WELLINGTON Hurricanes forward Chris Masoe allegedly punched a patron in a bar before being hit with a handbag by teammate and former All Blacks captain Tana Umaga.

Masoe, an All Black with a hardman reputation, was reported to have burst out crying when centre Umaga hit him.

They were then tossed out on the street by the bouncer….you guessed it, a woman.

Captain uses handbag in fight……forward cries like a girl….both evicted by a girl bouncer….no wonder they lost the Super 14 rugby final in Christchurch on Saturday night

.And was that “punched a patron” or “slapped a patron”

Tee hee hee

UPDATE: Pic above just in from Reon, a Kiwi mate. At least they can laugh at themselves…..roll on Bledisloe

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Defence attacked

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Tony Jones and Tim Costello combine in an act to dump on the Army for not prioritizing Tim’s compound in Dilli as the most single important location in a city teetering on anarchy. Tony Jones is on campaign here, he sees a chance to make the military, and by extension, the government look bad. He gives Tim Costello every possible chance to respond in an anti military manner with his questioning.
Have you any reason in the past few hours to modify your very angry reaction to how the Australian army is operating in Dili? Let’s get this straight. You’ve now talked to Angus Houston, you’ve talked to the minister and still the army on the ground cannot provide some protection for a single compound, which is one of the few compounds that hasn’t been looted and still has food for refugees? Are you saying that the Australian army is neglecting all those refugees? There are some 30,000 of them as you said earlier in the covenants – Don Bosco School and so on – are you saying they’re being neglected by the army? But you’re saying the terms of engagement for the army is inappropriate for the situation confronting them, is that correct?
I’m surprised that the ADF hasn’t cottoned on to the fact that Tony Jones obviously knows more than all the Generals, Colonels, Defence advisors, political advisors and politicians combined. No longer do the military need all that expensive training; the years of attending course and seminars; the experience that each General accumulates as they undergo appointments overseas in succesive ranks from Lieutenant to General over maybe 30 years. Think of all the money they can save. Just ask Tony what to do. He can talk to the Tim the Priest and between them they can sort out terms of engagement for the soldiers. In todays Australian Patrick Walters descibes what actually happens on the ground.
AUSTRALIAN troops are using emergency powers to detain Timorese gang members in a campaign to stamp out widespread lawlessness in Dili.

The Australian Defence Force has adopted the new tough approach after a weekend of violence by gangs of thugs that threatened to create a full-scale humanitarian crisis in the capital.

The move followed a meeting between Australia’s force commander, Brigadier Mick Slater, and East Timorese leaders. The policy allows Australian troops to hold criminal suspects for an unspecified period, with the possibility of laying charges under East Timorese law.
The move followed a meeting between Australia’s force commander, Brigadier Mick Slater, and East Timorese leaders. Thats what happens. The Army goes into these situations with a plan and adjust it as events develop; not just as a result of a priest castigating the Minister, or the General for not considering his own circumstances above all else but as a result of dicussions with people on the ground with the power to allocate power of arrest to the soldiers If Brigadier Slater responded to every compound wanting soldiers he would effectively split his forces at the crucial first day or two of the operation- a move not recommended in any tactics book I’ve read. As things settle then priorities change. By the way it is not as easy as some might think to shelve off a couple of diggers to guard one compound. A couple of diggers means one section of a platoon is now undermanned and consequently less deployable should events turn worse and that possibility did exist for a couple of days. A short section means a short platoon and noone wants to soldier seriously with one’s troops split. Back to Tony Jones.
As reports suggest big improvements in the security situation in Dili, chief executive of World Vision, Tim Costello, gave a sharply contradictory view. Mr Costello has accused the Australian Army of neglect, saying he had thought it would have make it a priority to give protection to aid agencies tasked with feeding tens of thousand of refugees and that he was “absolutely shocked” this had not happened.
Priest Tim will get his guards when the Army commander feels he has secured the situation to the point where the thousands of refugees have a life expectantcy sufficient to warrant feeding; not before.
Defence

Autumn of their life

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For two weeks I had lunch with my mother in her retirement home at Albany, Western Australia. We ate in a communal dining room and every day I met more and more of the inmates. One of note was Jack Davies, raconteur, published poet, accomplished artist and Merchant Mariner in his youth. My mother introduced him and added “a girl in every port” Jack’s laconic reply was “I wouldn’t say just one” He’s 93 I went over to his unit and looked at his art. He is just finishing a bush scene and if ever a artist got the colours of the Karri forest right it was Jack, and it isn’t easy. He left home at 16 and signed up on a ship going to Bombay with the intention of signing off and seeing the world but the shipping company had other ideas and coerced him into staying on as engineering crew. After several trips around the world he was heading south from Bowen (Qld) with holds full of sugar and had decided to finally sign off at Melbourne when some where off the Sydney Heads World War Two was declared. He ended up being blown up by Nazi bombers when they were docked at Liverpool, UK where he lost his fingers on one hand and one eye; but a quick look at his Record of Service lists service with the Royal Australian Engineers after that. No war stories, just a long life of acomplishments and the chance to refelct on them after nine decades. The elderly haven’t given up, they just move slower. The woman, my mother included, have a teenage girl approach to the unwed men at the centre. “Hows your boyfriend?” one ask mother. “Nothing to so with you”, she retorts. My mother is 86 and she and Jack are comfortable in each others company as my Mother is also an published poet. She recently won a national poetry competition run by the Retirement Village Chain where she lives. A hundred bucks. I think she gave it to some charity. Don’t get me wrong, they are just friends but it is good to see that interest in the opposite gender doesn’t end at 70, or at 60 for that matter; an event in my life that seems to be approaching at warp speed.
General Musings

Nuclear Power is dangerous

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Hogwash says my American Texas Millionaire mate Chuck. He says, In the US there have been more people killed in Teddy Kennedy’s car than by nuclear accidents.

Fair and mildly funny comment. The only real problem the world has had with nuclear power is Chernobyl but that was brought to you by the people who make Lada Nivas…need I say any more.

Nuclear Power has spawned a religious movement that will never accept it even in the face of stats that say it’s not the bogey man they wish it was. It can produce power and we need an alternative to coal…quickly. Wind farms and solar are not quite there yet and anyway, wind farms seems to have spawned another religion with a parrot being elevated up the evolutionary tree to just above humans. The human need for power being subordinated by the one-in- million chance of a parrot having a senior moment and flying into something he could normally see from three kilometres away.

It’s all rather bemusing really

The ALP are confused (it has ever been thus) about the issue. In the middle of discussing throwing out their 3 mines policy Beasley says they are against Australia going nuclear.

Or. We can mine it but not sell it or use it…put it in the bank maybe?

Maybe there would be less confusion if they told Anthony Albanese to shut the hell up for a week or two.

Personally I think storage of spent uranium is not a problem but then my backyard is too small to do it there. Other people are heavily into the NIMBY approach to any suggestion but that looses its value when your backyard is three times the size of Texas.

Australia has the political and geographic stability and tech-know how to handle the issue safely and make billions out of doing so. We could make billions out of value adding yellow cake thought to enriched uranium as well but let’s get smarter one step at a time.

General Musings

Greenpeace Reincarnation

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Just love the new Greanpeace add;

When you come back as a whale you’ll be bloody glad you put GREENPEACE in your will

Mildly funny but what isn’t funny is that a lot of their supporters will most probably think

Oh yeah…that makes sense….better leave them some money just in case.

Always thought Greenpeace was some sort of weird religion.

General Musings

My travels

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I’m currently resident in Griffith, NSW,  the home of our home grown Mafia and my sister-in-law. I expect to be back in Brisbane on Sunday ready to entertain and/or annoy my readers on Monday morning.
General Musings

Have you heard the latest Irish Joke?

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This in today’s Australian
Up to a dozen Irish MPs were expected to boycott John Howard’s address to the parliament in Dublin overnight, reflecting strong concerns over Australia’s role in Iraq

The criticism of Mr Howard has been led by a range of minority groups in the 116-member Dail (the lower house), including the Greens and the parliament’s sole Socialist Party MP, Joe Higgins.

Greens and socialists are everywhere but I fail to see how there stranger than fiction activities could possibly be “an irritant” for the PM as the article suggests. I think it’s more a case of Steve Lewis wishing it were so.

Politics
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